5 Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children (& the One Time He Gives Up)
by koa-chan
Summary: Futurefic. Laxus hates dealing with the guild kids. Specially his peers' children, and their equally young friends. He's not made to deal with lovesick rants, teenage spats, tea parties, or broken crayons. / Nalu, Gruvia, Jerza, Gajevy, Elfgreen and Fraxus - COMPLETE
1. DAY ONE: Ice Prince Lets It Go

**A/N:** So! This is a thing I came up with while writing Hands, yeah that other futurefic about little Luna Dragneel goin' round the guild asking her older lady mentors about their rough-from-the-times hands.

I mentioned in my author's note from there that I'm fond of the notion of Laxus and Freed being happy gay uncles to a bunch of kids, and then I realized - oh dear Laxus wouldn't have the patience for that.

It all went downhill from there.

So yeah. Presenting! A supposed drabble that turned into a mini six-chapter affair~ Also ALL CHAPTERS are done (haha bc I got stuck with We Are Young so I just kept on this one okay sorry sorry I swear I'm working on that) and I'll be posting one every other day. ^_^

Quick age note: Team Natsu and company are around 38 to 39. Older members like Laxus, Mira and others around 41-42. Romeo is 34, Wendy is 32. The little spawns' (aka kids), as well as new OC guild members' ages will be revealed as we go along in the story.

More notes and stuff after the chapter.

* * *

.

.

**Five Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children  
(and One Time He Simply Gives Up)**

.

**DAY ONE**  
_"Bro, you're channeling your mom and everyone's drownin'."_

.

.

Laxus hates dealing with the guild kids.

Don't get him wrong. He loves the guild. He loves the kids too. As Guild Master for a good decade or so now after his grandfather stepped down, he has learned many things, from how to deal with the various guild members, to facing the Magic Council, to responding to challenges and/or attacks from other guilds, whether the target was just a lone member, or Fairy Tail as a whole. Makarov was fiercely protective of his 'children'. You can say the same for Laxus. Yes, he was still kinda grumpy, and lazy, and ran things differently, but one would be lying if they said he didn't make a good Guild Master.

But he just couldn't quite get a handle on the kids in the guild. Specially his peers' children, and their equally young friends.

Because that was typically Mira's job. Or even Lisanna, sometimes. Those women ran the bar. He ran the office. Or rather, he simply signed the papers that they send to his office. And he also did… other stuff. Um, guild master stuff. Like attend boring meetings and... _stuff_. Boy, he does do a lot of stuff!

Ahem.

It was Mira's job, to be specific, to smile sweetly at the twelve year-old blue-haired ice mage trudging sulkily towards the bar, and greet him just as sweetly as he sat on one of the tall chairs, saying _"Hello, sweetheart! Is everything alright?"_ while fully anticipating the huge _"NO"_ and the rant that will follow. Maybe even bear the sudden drop of temperature around the vicinity. Mira will listen ever-so-patiently while giving the kid whatever beverage he preferred, even without the kid asking. Mira always knew what to get for who.

But Laxus was not Mira. Mira went on a vacation with Elfman, Evergreen and Lisanna. Apparently it was Fleur, Elf and Ever's eldest, who gave her parents and aunts tickets to that tropical island resort somewhere as an anniversary gift for her parents and late birthday gifts for both Mira and Lisanna. Apparently Laxus agreed for them all to take their leaves at the same time. Apparently Mira had the papers to prove it.

He doesn't remember signing, but Mira had been smiling so widely that it scared him and he knew he just had to agree. They deserved the break anyway.

Anyhow, that was the point - neither Mira nor Lisanna were around. Usually it would be Fleur in charge in place of her aunts, but the eighteen year-old left that morning saying that she will be on a job. This meant that Laxus will be running the bar, along with some non-mage part-timers (Cana took in homeless or runaway teenagers like it was her mission in life; most non-mages move on after a month or two, most mages stay.).

"Good morning, Master." young Neve greeted politely, looking surprised that Laxus was up and awake before noon, and wiping glasses in place of the usual barmaids.

"Yo, kid. What're you havin'?" Laxus asked nonchalantly. As gently as possible, really, since it was obvious that NO, NOT EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT. But no, like hell he's gonna call Gray's grumpy son 'sweetheart' like Mira does.

The boy seemed even more surprised when Laxus took his order. "U-umm… iced tea… yeah. Fleur's out?"

"Yeah, she took a job." Laxus replied curtly, and was secretly glad that the boy ordered something simple. He always saw the kid with parfait or milkshake or something just as fancy. He didn't know how to make those. Thankfully, Laxus had enough experience in the guild to know where to get and how to serve iced tea.

"Oh. Okay." was all the boy said, looking down at the table and staying silent until Laxus set a tall glass of iced tea in front of him. Neve accepted it just as timidly. "Thanks."

Laxus rolled his eyes. He wanted to mind his own business, but this was too much. The boy was too visibly sulking. "Alright, what's up?"

Neve blinked up at him.

"You're lookin' for Fleur 'cause you want to vent, right?"

"Huh? No, not… not really…" Neve looked down.

Laxus shrugged, picking up a plate to wipe dry as the boy started to drink the beverage.

After a while of silence, Neve started, "Feels weird..."

Laxus didn't bother to look up. "Yeah, no shit."

"...So I was on a job with Ig yesterday."

There it was, the kid was starting.

"I heard." Laxus nodded. He knew about that job. It was still hard to believe that Natsu's and Gray's sons, even with a five-year age gap, were best friends and formed one of Fairy Tail's strongest new teams, while also doing jobs properly. By 'properly', Laxus meant that the two always have minimal casualties. No burnt buildings or flooded towns. Very far from their fathers' dynamic. "Wendy told me you guys were quite beat up when you came back."

"Yeah, uh, it's not that hard. But he kinda almost got impaled."

"What the hell does_ 'kinda almost got impaled'_ mean?" Laxus asked, more confused than annoyed - Neve may be a prodigy but he's still a twelve year-old kid, and sometimes that showed in the way he talked.

"Ig called Aries just in time so he didn't get impaled, but it still hit his shoulder and it was still pretty bad, but not anything we couldn't just wrap up. Aries helped a bit too."

"Yeah, but he's alive, right?"

"He was so stupid."

"Natsu's son."

"So stupid." the kid repeated. "We could've finished it in, like, ten minutes but no, he had to be stupid."

"Really." By this time, Laxus was just listening indulgently but not really paying much attention.

"I mean, we always do our stuff, just the two of us so we get stuff done quick with no damage not like our sisters, right?"

"Hm."

By this time, the boy was outright complaining. "So why did he have to bring extra baggage along, right? I mean, it's okay if his girlfriend can handle herself. Or actually knows how to hide! But noooo, she's in the way! S'like she just threw 'erself on the evil guy's arms! We don't need someone bein' hostaged!"

"Yeah."

"So 'cause we can't do our stuff 'cause the evil guy has stupid Ig's stupid girlfriend!"

It finally dawned on Laxus what the kid was telling him. "Yo, yo wait. Y'mean, he brought a civilian along on a job? That's against the rules."

Neve shook his head. "Nah, more like she clung to 'im and he had no choice 'cause she's already on the train wit' us and was cryin' her eyes out. Y'know Ig. Stupid Ig, dunno how to be mean."

Then, to Laxus' horror, the kid sniffed, tears forming in his eyes.

"S-S-Stupid… Ig. And I was up all night 'cause… 'cause I kept thinkin' what if Aries didn't come sooner and-… WHAT IF HE DIED. What if he got impaled and stuff and-.."

"Hey. Hey, don't do that. You're both alive, right?"

But that made the boy sob. "HE'S STUPID! WHAT WOULD I DO IF HE DIED?!"

He was crying. Hard.

How could Laxus forget who the boy's mother was? Of course he's heard about it. Of course Juvia's son would be another crybaby.

Laxus tried to be comforting… or maybe distracting. "So what happened to this girlfriend?"

Neve sniffed weakly. "S'not really girlfriend..."

"What? You said-"

"More like fangirl. Head of fanclub kinda fangirl. THAT FANCLUB IS STUPID THEY THINK HE'S AWESOME AND COOL AND _HUNKY_ OR WHATEVER WHEN HE'S _NOT_! _HE'S A BIG. NERD!_"

Laxus brushed that off. "Why'd he let this girl tag along then?"

"'Cause she cried and stuff! Whatshername said she'll do her best and stay outta the way BUT SHE DIDN'T OKAY I HATE HER."

"Yo, don't throw tantrums at me, kid."

"WHY DOES HE HAVE A FANCLUB ANYWAY WAIT I KNOW. IT'S 'CAUSE HE'S DUMB AND STUFF HE'S ALWAYS USIN' HIS SEX APPEAL. HE SAYS HE KNOWS HE'S SEXY SO HE FLIRTS WITH ALL THE GIRLS. HE'S NOT HOT. HE'S _STUPID_."

Yeah, he's heard of that fanclub. Apparently young Igneel got not only Lucy's looks and Natsu's confidence... but also Loke's... well, let's say 'charm'.

Laxus didn't wonder about it too much. Loke was there screaming with Lucy while she was giving birth to her son. The spirit went into labor with his master. Literally.

"Sex appeal, seriously?"

"Dad says he got it from Lucy-san."

"Stop there. I think I know _enough_."

"Stupid Ig dunno he scared the crap outta me." the boy sniffed, and then hiccuped.

Laxus raised an eyebrow. "Kid, you sound like you got drunk from iced tea."

Neve whimpered, burying his face on his arms again. "It tastes weird, Master. (hic) S'okay, I know it's hard to (hic) work in the bar… (hic) Fleur always… tells me 'bout it… (hic)"

"What, weird?" the man asked, then picked up the half-empty glass and then sniffed the contents. "Well, shit."

He served beer to a twelve year-old. Cana will be proud.

"What would I do if he died?" Neve asked miserably. "I'd have no partner. Or maybe I'll be with Glenn and Ethan. I don't wanna be with Glenn and Ethan, they're too good. Like, unfair kinda good. Like, OP good. Ig is so stupid. His fangirls are so stupid..."

"Hey… uh, Neve. Y'okay there, buddy?" because Laxus swore there was water pooling in the floor of the guild already.

"I'm good… just… why do the fangirls think he's so cool? He's not cool. He's… I dunno, not cool at all. Maybe adorable, sometimes. Only sometimes…"

"Adorable, okay got it."

"...Smart, too. Only sometimes! When he's not being stupid with the sex appeal stuff. 'Cause y'know he doesn't need to act like a flirt, he's already… err… he has a nice face."

"Nice face, yeah okay. Uh-"

"-and his hair! Master, if you hear 'im talk about his hair. S'like you just wanna kill him. His ponytail is stupid. He thinks it's cool but it's just stupid."

"Okay, yeah his ponytail is stupid. Whatever. But you're both alive, right? So stop crying now."

"I can't. I'm sad. Mom says s'okay to cry when you're sad."

"Yeah, you did get your mom's… uh… her emotional… err..." - Laxus wanted to say_ 'instability'_ but he thought that would be harsh so he finished with "...disposition."

"Uh-huh."

"But you're gonna drown the guild, kid."

Neve chuckled gingerly, still sobbing.. and flooding the vicinity. "Dad says 'let it go'."

"Your dad is a dramatic ice princess, that's his anthem. Kid, everyone's starting to evacuate. Stop drowning us."

The guild was already knee-deep in water. People were coming up from the library, too... Dang, the water probably got to the basement. Laxus swore Mira would have handled this better.

Just when Laxus thought he would have to knock the kid out, the guild doors burst open and in went a blonde-haired, brown-eyed teenager. Natsu and Lucy's eldest blinked when he saw the commotion that his younger partner was causing, then sighed and waded through the literal pool of tears.

"Mornin', Master." young Igneel said with a bright smile that was a perfect combination of his parents' grins. "What's up?"

"What's up?" Laxus repeated disbelievingly. "Your little boyfriend's literally cryin' a river 'cause you almost died yesterday. Make him stop."

"Aw, he's overreacting again." Igneel sighed, then peered at the younger boy. "Bro, you're channeling your mom and everyone's drownin'. Better stop."

"I hate you." Neve said bitterly.

"Aw, c'mon, is this about the girl? 'Cause I think it scared her enough and she won't do it again."

"Go away."

Igneel rolled his eyes. "Neeeeeve, I don't even remember her name."

"S'not the point, dumbass."

"Hey, language." the young dragon slayer scolded strictly.

"DUMBASS!"

"Okay, fine. I appreciate the river of feels, Neve. But why don't you continue this outside? Like, maybe by the river for less casualties?" Igneel tried to pat the boy's head but his hand just went through. Neve had turned himself to water. "Oh, for Mavis' sake! I'm sorry, okay? Y'know you don't have to be jealous."

"WHO'S JEALOUS?! I-I-I'M NOT JEALOUS! GET YOUR NICE FACE AWAY FROM ME!"

Laxus sighed. Looks like the boy inherited both his parents' stubborness and then DOUBLED it.

Neve hiccupped.

"You look drunk." Igneel raised an eyebrow. "Are you drunk?"

"No…'tis iced… tea…" and then the boy dozed off sleeping.

Igneel looked at the lightning dragon slayer. Laxus sighed and looked away guiltily. "Honest mistake. I swear."

The teen couldn't help but chuckle before shaking his head. "First day?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Alright. Um. So… I'm taking this one home. Don't worry, I won't tell his parents that you got 'im drunk at like 9 in the mornin'."

Laxus then watched as Igneel lifted the sleeping ice mage up and then hefted the boy on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"What're you gonna do?"

Igneel shrugged. "Uh, sober 'im up and talk heart-to-heart, I guess? Always fixes him, he's a huge softie, this one. He's difficult when he's throwin' a tantrum, but I'll never find a better partner, so… yeah."

Laxus raised an eyebrow, but the kid just grinned cheekily at him.

"Sorry for the ruckus, Master. Have a great day!"

.

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** Remember how Laxus gets lost just trying to buy some groceries for Yajima-san? I bet he's totally helpless in the bar too. Also he's the type to try to wipe plates and glasses even when they're already dry and clean because it's a thing he sees the bar staff do everytime. What a nerd.

Some note thingies:

\- **Neve** (12) believes in fortune-telling but he won't admit it because he's a dork tsundere like his dad.  
\- ** Igneel** Dragneel (18) sounds like a bad rhyme. But yeah. Imagine Mashima's genderbent Lucy? Just in a dorky ponytail, with Natsu's adorable smile, and trying very hard to flirt with you but kinda failing. He's kind of a really nice and responsible guy all around, though. Big brother to almost all the other kids and all.  
\- **Fleur **(18) looks very much like her Aunt Mira, except she wears glasses because she inherited her mother's eye power thingy. She likes to go on solo jobs because she's badass, and she gets all the reward money to herself so she always has plenty of cash to take days or weeks off to chill and run the bar.  
\- Mira totally played Laxus on that vacation thing y'know.

Anyways, that's day one. And believe me that was still _kind. _New set of kids per chapter. Guess who's next?

.

**Up Next:** DAY TWO. Someone gets tired of her team's shit.

.

_~ Reviews are appreciated! And I like reading kind words when I'm sad so thanks in advance if y'all gonna be nice. :D_  
_If you're not gonna be nice, then uhhhh... have a great day, still. I hope you be nice to someone else at least. Being mean sounds sad._


	2. DAY TWO: Best Girl Is Tired Of Your Shit

**A/N: **Second chapter as promised. This time, we meet some girls. Teenage girls.

Good luck, guild master Dreyaaaaar!

Quick age note that I'll prolly put in every beginning of the chapters for quick reference: Team Natsu and company are around 38 to 39. Older members like Laxus, Mira and others around 41-42. Romeo is 34, Wendy is 32. The little spawns' (aka kids), as well as new OC guild members' ages will be revealed as we go along in the story.

Again, more notes and stuff after the chapter.

* * *

.

.

**Five Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children  
(and One Time He Simply Gives Up)**

.

**DAY TWO**  
_"__That'd be awkward, Team Marygold without Marygold.."_

.

.

Laxus should have known that if it was difficult dealing with Natsu's and Gray's sons who were best friends, then it was a whole different level dealing with Natsu's and Gray's daughters who were sworn rivals.

The day after Neve flooded the guild floor, Laxus was relieved to see that the young ice mage has made up with his partner fire dragon slayer. The two were already among the crowd of mages looking through the various options at the guild's job board.

The guild master sat boredly by the bar while beside him, Fleur was humming happily as she made parfait for Neve and settled a bottle of hot sauce beside Igneel's pancakes (Laxus doesn't get how Dragneel tastebuds work; Fleur, like her Aunt Mira, simply pretends that she does). As soon as the boys came over, the treats were ready, and they thanked the young barmaid. Fleur smiled the kind smile she picked up from her aunts before walking towards the other end of the bar to assist another group of Fairy Tail mages.

Laxus asked, "What's up, Icepick Junior?"

"I'm really sorry for flooding the guild." Neve said, face sincerely apologetic. Very polite, much like his mother.

Igneel was more cheerful. "We're good now! Got a job out of town, just guardin' some rich ol' guy for a day."

"No bringing girlfriends or fangirls this time, that clear?" Laxus said.

The two answered dutifully "Yes, Master!"

"Do you need a third person?" They all looked up at the newcomer's voice.

The fifteen year-old takeover mage took after her mother, from Evergreen's flowing brown hair to her need for glasses. But, Marygold had a gentler face that somewhat resembled her aunt Lisanna's.

"Hey, Marygold." Igneel greeted with a smile, while Neve nodded. "'Sup? Not with Brooke or Layla?"

The girl didn't say anything and just shook her head, then asked if she could sit with them. Igneel picked his plate up and move to the seat beside his so that Marygold can take the chair between him and Neve. "Hey, Uncle Laxus." the girl greeted with a smile. Among the kids, only Marygold addressed him as 'uncle'. Additionally, she was the guild master's goddaughter.

"What're you havin', kid?" Laxus asked, knowing that Fleur was preoccupied.

"Water, please." Marygold answered politely with a demure smile.

This time Laxus made sure to serve water, not beer. After that, he poured himself some coffee because he knew that there was something up. He knew Marygold well. Marygold was _his_ _girl_.

Between the men in Raijinshuu, they drew lots to decide which of them would be godfather to each of Ever's kids. To say that the three took being godfathers seriously was an understatement. It was a well-known fact that the three men regularly debated on which girl was the best. Of course Bixlow bragged that Fleur was the prettiest and the kindest, Laxus firmly stated that Marygold was the prettiest and the strongest, and Freed argued that Ellette was the prettiest and the smartest. Mostly, the girls think their uncles were just silly – but all of Fairy Tail knew that the men were whipped and would spoil any kid of Evergreen rotten.

Laxus prepared herself for the worst, anticipating a complaint. Because that's what these teenagers always do, right? Or maybe thid tiiime…" Another flood, people turning to stone, getting hollered by some kinda beast takeover...

"I'm giving up on your sisters." was what the girl said.

Neve and Igneel looked at her.

"Your little sister," she started, addressing Igneel. "Will trip on flat ground and burn a whole building down if I so much as take an eye off her. Your big sister," this time she turned to Neve, "doesn't have an ounce of subtlety in her being. So in every job, it's either we end up flooding the town, or almost burning our client. Or both."

They still just looked at her.

Laxus asked, "That's supposed to be news?"

Everyone knew that the Layla-Brooke-Marygold trio was the new Team Natsu, in a sense that they'd probably burn down a whole town in a quest to catch a single thief.

"No." Marygold said haughtily, taking after her mother. "The news is that I'm done with it. I'm not going with them today. The self-righteousness and the stripping, I can take. But me constantly being in the warpath, no."

The boys looked uncertainly at each other before shrugging. Igneel smiled uneasily. He had never worked with a Takeover mage before, but they had known Marygold since forever, so why not? "Well, the flyer says two to three mages needed, so I guess you're welcome to join us."

Laxus saw them off with a simple take-care-and-good-luck. He returned Marygold's hug as always before watching her casually cling to both her companions' arms. They were talking happily as they left. Laxus was sure they'd go home in one piece and with news of success. If Marygold had kept Layla and Brooke in check, then she could sure as hell deal with Igneel and Neve.

.

Now that Laxus thought about it, Marygold must run on infinite tolerance to deal with her teammates for that long.

Because for the love of everything that is holy, they were LOUD.

Why are fifteen year-old girls SO LOUD?

"Master! Have you seen Mary? She dropped by today yet?" Layla asked. Looking eerily like her father with her dark-eyed pout and pixie-cut blonde hair. The pretty face she got from her mother was no doubt one of the reasons behind her long string of suitors despite her boyish look.

While to contrast her, Brooke had long, flowing, straight raven hair. Laxus had only ever seen Ultear once or twice, and from what little he remembered, he had to admit that the resemblance was indeed uncanny. Jellal and Meredy were fond of the girl because of it. Right now though, she was standing beside her teammate and also complaining very very ungracefully. "We went to their house but no one was home!"

"Fleur said she went off with Ig and Neve? You gotta be kiddin' me!"

"What?! Why would she? Those guys never pick the fun jobs!"

"D'you think it's 'cause she got mad at us?"

"Master, is she mad at us? Do you know?"

"Come on, waterslide. How would he know?"

"He's runnin' the bar with Fleur, Neve always gets parfait before jobs. Mary might've talked to him, they're close. I thought you were a genius, Layla."

"What's your problem?"

"No, what's YOUR problem?!"

"Wanna go?!"

"You think you can beat me?!"

At that, Laxus decided that he has had enough. So very aptly, he said, "Enough."

The two girls looked at him.

"Sit down, both of you." he ordered. He looked around. Great. Fleur went out with one of the part-timers to buy some… whatever stuff she said she needed in the kitchen. It was up to him now. He looked at them with a frown. "Marygold went on a job with your brothers-"

"WHAT, WHY?!" the two exclaimed in perfect unison.

"-she told me she's done with you-"

There was a simultaneous outburst of "See? She's mad at YOU-" between the two.

"-WILL YOU LET ME FINISH?!"

That effectively shut them up again.

Laxus sighed. "She said she's tired of both of you trying to burn or freeze an entire town everytime you go on jobs, and I guess she also got sick of you guys tryin' to kill each other all the time. Had to give it to her, lastin' this long. What, 3 years?"

The girls looked at him, at a loss of what to say.

Laxus gave a noncommittal shrug before picking up a copy of the Daily Sorcerer that someone left in the bar and flipping to a random page.

But gods, the girls were insistent.

"You mean... she... quit? Like, really quit?"

"Quit the team? She can't do that - maybe it's a one-time thing. It is, right, Master?"

"Yeah, yeah? She can't quit the team! I mean, we're Team Marygold."

"Exactly, that'd be awkward, Team Marygold without Marygold."

"M'sure she'll go back after she calms down! Sure, she got a bit mad at Layla-"

"-hell no, I treat Mary right! If she'll get mad at someone, it'll be YOU, with your strippin' all over the place and shit."

"Can't blame me for that, and she's used to it, and I put my clothes on as soon as she tells me to!"

"What if she finally got fed up?!"

"Why's it my fault, for all we know, Mary got tired of YOU bein' a nerd!"

"Can't help that I'm SMART now, can I?!"

"Oh, ohhh, I know! She got fed up of your pervert cow spirit always hittin' on her!"

"Hey, Taurus is just complimentin' her now! I straightened 'im out. Now he just says she's pretty and he never tries to point out her boobs anymore!"

"Oh, like spirit, like owner. 'YA KNOW HOW PRUDE SHE IS!"

"I KNOW, THAT'S WHY I ALSO KNOW THAT IT'S YOUR STRIPPING HABIT THAT PROLLY SET HER OFF!"

Laxus slammed the magazine on the bar again, stopping the two before they resorted to water and flame. "BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP."

"BUT MASTER-"

He gave them a glare that immediately shut both girls up. He stared them down for five seconds before he spoke again. "Look, both of you. You're lucky that out of the sisters, you got Marygold. You're lucky that out of EVERYONE your age in the guild, you got Marygold. 'Cause she's the patient one, yeah? She's the only one kind enough to bear with your burning or flooding or stripping or… or whatever your cow spirit does, yeah? If it was Fleur, she would've kicked yours annoying asses already. So you're lucky that it's MY girl tryin' to deal with you."

Rainjinshuu guys take being godfathers very very seriously.

"Y-Yeah..." Layla looked down. "But we never forget that! That's why we spoil her!"

"We never let anyone lay a finger on Mary, she's like our head girl!"

"...although I did accidentally burn one of the love letters someone sent her... I thought that was Brooke's shopping list. Why did the guy send her poetry, anyway?"

"...a-and I didn't mean to splash water on her that one time she was goin' back from the salon. I was aimin' for Layla."

Laxus sighed again. "SHE'S QUITTING. What're you doin'? Pointing fingers at each other?"

They seemed to only realize that then. "...Y-Yeah? 'Cause it's NOT MY FAULT."

"Alright, SIT BACK DOWN and lemme tell you a story about her mom."

The girls hesitantly sat back on their seats and tried their best not to kill each other.

"One time, I was being a big stuck-up jerk being angry at the world, and Freed's being pissy on everyone goin' about humidity and his hair being fluffy or something I forget, just PMS. Okay. And Bixlow's… Bixlow. Then Ever straight up walked in and said that she's quitting, and then walked out. Ya wanna know why?"

"Why?"

"Told us she feels like a decor or a token girl or somethin', that I'm always mad at Bixlow and Bixlow's always annoying Freed and Freed's also mad at Bixlow and that the three of us are so busy fightin' between ourselves that we forget she's there. And one time we even spilled choco on her favorite dress while trying to strangle each other. And I accidentally toasted her salad while trying to fry Bix alive. And 'nother time she ran out of shampoo because Freed went through the whole bottle, he thought he was messin' with Bix. And Bixlow's babies ate her favorite shoe, told us that it was a plan for the babies to eat MY COAT, I dunno how they confused her shoes for my coat don't ask me how that happened. Sounds familiar?"

They stared.

"Ever got fed up of getting caught in the crossfire."

They kept staring.

Laxus groaned. For such talented young mages, these girls were quite slow. "Basically, Marygold's gettin' real tired of your shit."

"O-Oh..."

"How did you get Evergreen-san back then?"

At that, Laxus hesitated, picking up the magazine again to avoid the girls' curious looks and clearing his throat before saying in a low voice, "We serenaded her."

"...What?"

"Serenaded as in the singing thing?"

He tried to keep up composure as he shrugged. "Uh, it was actually a song-and-dance thing."

"SONG."

"AND DANCE."

"...just outside her window in Fairy Hills so yeah, the other girls saw too." Laxus grudgingly admitted.

The water mage and the fire dragon slayer both burst out laughing at the thought of the Raijinshuu, THE FEARSOME LEGENDARY GOD-TIER S-CLASS TEAM RAIJINSHUU, serenading their only female member.

"Why didn't you just buy her the dress and shampoo and shoes? Made her new salad?" Layla asked stifling her giggles, while beside her, Brooke was covering her mouth to keep herself from laughing any harder.

Laxus defended himself. "D'you think we didn't try that first? She was so angry she accepted the stuff but didn't wanna go back to the team!"

"B-B-But a song and dance number! HAHAHA!" Brooke laughed.

"We were desperate! And it worked, alright?! THE END! STOP LAUGHING!"

Both girls tried to keep the laughter in as their guild master tried his best to glare at them without melting into a puddle of embarrassment. God, the things he does for these children.

"So d'you get what I'm tryin' to say here?"

Layla had stopped laughing enough to say, "A surprise song and dance number can fix everything?"

"No, shit." Laxus sighed, shaking his head in resignation. "What I'm tryin' to say here is that when shit like that goes down, I mean shit like your teammate's quitting because the rest of the team is at each other's throats, the best thing you can do is-"

Brooke interrupted, "Please, no! We'll give her space. Maybe she'll calm down!"

"We tried that too, nope she's not gonna sleep it out and wake up cheerful again. Trust me, I think it actually made things worse."

"But-"

"I'M NOT GONNA SUGGEST THAT YOU SING AND DANCE TOO, CALM DOWN." Laxus said firmly, now rubbing his temples. These two were really a handful. "My point is that, if you really think your teammate's important - if you want her back that much, you have to stop blamin' each other. That'll get you nowhere. What y'have to focus on is settin' aside your differences for a while and think of how to get her back. Not sayin' you hafta go all gross friendly, but at least act CIVIL enough to think together about HER feelings. 'Cause your finger-pointing is actually YOU guys just thinkin' about YOURSELVES.

"You think you care about her that's why you're tryin' to find out whose fault it all is? Nah, you're just tryin' not to feel guilty. So SHUT UP ABOUT EACH OTHER and THINK ABOUT YOUR OTHER TEAMMATE FOR A MINUTE. 'Cause otherwise you're wastin' your time and by the time she gets back and sees that you two are still goin' on about killin' each other, believe me, she'll be even more DONE with your shit."

The girls looked down guiltily.

"Basically, if someone's important enough, no amount of pride or shame or bullshit rivalry should stop you from getting them back."

They nodded.

Laxus sighed in relief. Finally. "Is that clear now?"

"Yes, sir."

"Now fuck off and fix this shit, I don't want an upset goddaughter tomorrow. AM I CLEAR?"

"SIR YES SIR!"

.

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** I was in the same position as Laxus once. One of three girl friends walks out and the two were just like 'What do we do?!' and they basically presented a 'Reasons We Love You Speech.' – it worked.

Some note thingies:

\- **Marygold** (15) is the Lucy to Brooke-and-Layla's Gray-and-Natsu tandem. Her magic is just as destructive as her two teammates (beast takeover yo) so she usually prefers the sidelines or long range. But if she gets mad, well… yeah.  
\- **Brooke **(15) is a stunner. Imagine Ultear's confidence wow. She often clashes with her brother. Because Neve insists that 'whater is the element of calm and slow change and stuff…  
\- **Layla **(15) is a bookworm and always works with Freed, Levy or Lucy on book-related jobs. But she can also kick your ass.  
\- All three of them want to recruit the new guy that Layla brought to the guild last time. They could use a healer in the team.

.

**Up Next:** DAY THREE. Metalhead Junior, and evil prankster twins.

.

_~ Reviews are appreciated! If you're leaving one, thanks in advance! If you're not, uhhh… hi, thanks for reading anyway!_


	3. DAY THREE: Junior Is Cute in a Jerk Way

**A/N: **Sorry for the late post. The past few days have been totally busy. I was part of this team for a talent show and we were busy sorting out a presentation (guess what inspired the song-and-dance number from last chapter?) until performance day. Soooo yeah it was a blur of tired days and so.

Hey, we won. Yeaaah~

And as someone asked in the reviews: **How did the kids inherit magic? Did they get both from their parents or just one?**

_I have a whole headcanon for this so um, bear with me for a bit. Okay. So first off, Mashima never really explained how magic works in this universe, and I kind of came up with a concept of there being like "two types" of magic: one that's like 'innate' on a person, and another that's, like, 'learned'. Some mages look like they're just 'born' with the magic, e.g. Juvia (who at first couldn't even control the rain and water thing), and maybe the dragon slayers (but that may be just conditioning from the dragons that raised them, still done very very early on though). While some others look like they just have this latent magic talent and then they choose to apply it relative to their interest/strengths/compatibility, e.g. Levy (who utilized her powers for solid script magic, but was able to apply it for something like rune magic several times to counter Freed's barriers, with the quick help of references) and the others like Gray, Lucy, Erza, etc._

_It's kinda like in Naruto, if you guys read it: everyone has chakra that they can shape/use at will, but some have specialized talents because of their genes/bloodline. For example, Gildarts and Cana don't have the same magic. But while Cana didn't inherit her father's magic per se, it was shown that she got the immense latent magic force from him, which was a great help when she used Fairy Glitter. That's kind of like the basis of how I imagined magic for the children here, I guess. So I thought Juvia and Gray's kids would have inherited their mother's elemental body, but Brooke decided to maximize her inherited water powers. Neve, on the other hand, may have found water not really his thing so he asked for his dad to teach him Ice Make, but sometimes he still could use his water powers, although not as well. It may simply be a matter of preference. The Lucy-Natsu kids may have inherited some of their father's dragon senses and trained hard, but were able to learn a bit of key/gate magic from their mom... there's going to be some detail about that in this chapter. :) So yes, that's my answer. Some kids may inherit some 'innate'-type magic from their parents, while some only inherit the 'talent' for magic, and then it's up to the kids to ask their parents or seniors to train them on a specific type of magic._

Phew sorry for keeping you long. I guess I should have gotten that out of the way sooner ;P

Quick age note that I'll prolly put in every beginning of the chapters for quick reference: Team Natsu and company are around 38 to 39. Older members like Laxus, Mira and others around 41-42. Romeo is 34, Wendy is 32. The little spawns' (aka kids), as well as new OC guild members' ages will be revealed as we go along in the story.

Again, more notes and stuff after the chapter.

* * *

.

.

**Five Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children  
(and One Time He Simply Gives Up)**

.

**DAY THREE**  
_"__It's not my fault I inherited dad bein' rude, right?"_

.

.

With Layla and Brooke on a temporary truce for the ultimate quest for Marygold's forgiveness, Laxus thought that the worst of it all was over.

Finally, Laxus found himself having a pleasant, kid-free quiet time in the bar, absently making small talk with the other members, ones that were about to go on jobs and ones that just got back.

That was until a familiar pink-haired little girl came rushing inside the guild, keys making jingling sounds as they hung from her waist. Laxus didn't complain right away. He _liked_ ten year-old Luna Dragneel. Out of the crazy kids of his contemporaries, she was the most level-head. She was behaved and polite and... well, normal.

"Hey, kid." Laxus said as the girl climbed on a stool in front of him, waiting for her to order some waffles or ice cream or milk, whatever. But what surprised him was that she kept climbing on top of the bar. He let go of the paperwork he was going through to grip the girl's shoulders as she was about to slip and fall backwards. "Whoa, whoa, kid. What're you doin'?"

The girl reached out to tug at his shirt. "Good morning, Master! Please hide me!"

_ "What?"_

"I'll be good!" the girl promised. "Please let me hide under the table. Thanks!"

Before he could say anything else, she had squirmed out of his grip and slipped under the bar, just beside his legs.

Laxus looked down at her. "Alright, squirt. Who're you hidin' from?"

"Onyx." the girl whispered, hiding further under the table.

Laxus looked at the guild floor. All familiar faces, some kids here and there, but no sign of Metalhead Junior. Yeah, that's what Laxus called that kid. "He's not around."

"He's looking for me. Please tell 'im you didn't see me."

The guild doors opened and when Laxus looked to see who the newcomer was... ah. There you go. Metalhead Junior. That little ten-year old with the unruly blue-black hair and bandana and already three piercings on one ear. Sometimes he could pass as Wendy's notorious little brother.

Onyx Redfox walked in and looked around, apparently trying to find someone in the crowd. Laxus looked wearily down at the girl who tucked herself neatly beside his legs, then sighed.

"Mornin', Master." Onyx greeted. He didn't sit on the chairs and just looked up at Laxus.

Laxus stared back as blankly as he could. Where did this kid learn to stare like that? Gajeel and Levy can both stare people down, but not in the scary _I-Am-Seeing-Your-Greatest-Fears-And-Reading-Your-Mind _way-... Oh. Yeah.

Must be Pantherlily's work here.

Because Laxus was getting uncomfortable, he finally asked, "Anythin' I can help you with, kid?"

"Have you seen Luna?"

"Nope."

The boy frowned, and then scratched his head awkwardly. "Errr... so, um, if she goes here, couldja tell her somethin' for me? Couldja tell her-"

Laxus cut him off quickly. "Write it down."

"No, it's short-"

"Won't remember. Write it down."

But the boy wasn't the Iron-Dragon-Slayer-in-Training for nothing. He was very hard-headed indeed. "It's really short. Just tell her that I dunno why she's upset and whatever I did, I prolly will do it again 'cause I dunno what upset her, so she should just tell me so I know and if I know, I won't do it again. But I think maybe it's 'cause I laughed at her when she fell over yesterday but I'm not sure so she shoulda just tell me, really. And, um, Glenn and Ethan wanna train together but if she doesn't wanna join us, maybe she can just tell me and I'll tell 'em. Just. Uh, she should talk to me already."

"That's not short, kid. Didn't even remember half of it."

"Nah, nevermind. Imma go train and be awesome somewhere else. Her loss." the kid finished smugly.

Then, Laxus watched him go.

Right then and there, Laxus wanted to go call on Levy and ask her if she knew how her son talked to her seniors, but knowing how smitten she is with her husband, Laxus concluded that she probably thinks that her kid was adorable.

In that jerk kind of way. Like his dad.

Hey, at least there was some sort of weird rude apology somewhere in the boy's message… and Laxus had to admit, the kid's not as dense as Gajeel. There was Levy's sincere, sensitive and caring side in place there… but again, displayed in a jerk kind of way. It must be a Redfox thing, doing stuff in a jerk kind of way...

He looked down to see Luna looking at him. "He totally knew you were hiding there, kid."

The girl pouted. "Dragon smell is soooo unfair."

Heh. Yeah, it is. From what the girl's parents had told him, while Igneel and Layla displayed dragon senses really early, Luna had shown no signs of it. But boy, she was able to summon Plue even before she could talk properly. Her elder siblings needed training to do just that, and now they were fifteen and eighteen and still have 1 gold key each. So while Ig and Layla could boast of their heightened senses, Luna can be smug about her celestial spirit mage skills.

Getting back on topic, Laxus told the girl, "Give 'im some credit, looks like he's givin' you space."

"Still!" she insisted, fuming slightly.

"He's gone now, I don't think he's comin' back anytime soon. Why don't you go out of there already?"

Luna sighed and stood up, leaning on the bar beside the blonde before Laxus pulled a chair nearby and she sat on it.

"What can I get you?"

The girl shook her head. "Nah, I'm leavin' soon. I have training with mom in a few."

Laxus nodded and resumed his interrupted paperwork. "Whatever, kid. Just keep your promise. Be good."

"Yes, sir." Luna answered with a bright smile, contentedly swinging her legs back and forth while she watched the goings on in the guild hall. Beside her, Laxus was going through the paperwork peacefully.

Ah, he had been right not to worry so much about the girl causing a racket. Luna Dragneel has always been the calm one.

After a while of silence, Luna asked. "Master, may I ask a question?"

"Shoot." Laxus answered, indulging the girl since she asked so politely.

"Am I weak?"

He stopped. He glanced at her and saw that she was fiddling with the hem of her dress.

Okay. Guild master job time. Laxus put his paperwork down and faced the little girl. Yes, he wasn't a guru of talking to kids, but he'd done his fair share of talking to mages, both young and old, who were feeling down about their abilities. Pep talks were part of the guild master job description.

"What's your record again? How many keys do you have?" he asked.

"I have my own Plue. Actually two of them. I got them all on my own! And I have one other silver key I got for myself too, and mommy gave me Lyra-chan. And I can summon with all of mom's gold keys! Though that's just for practice. But I have Virgo and Sagittarius now. Mommy gave 'em to me for my last birthday and I already have a contract with 'em."

He couldn't help but feel a bit of pride welling up in his chest. Say what you will about Laxus, but he could brag about these kids like a doting parent.

He raised a hand, laid it on the girl's head and ruffled her pink hair. "Look at you, squirt." he started, smirking. "I betcha your big brother and sister couldn't do that when they were your age. 'Course you're not weak. You're doing great."

She smiled gingerly, blushing. "N-Not really..."

"No, you are. Ten and with 4 silver and 2 gold keys? That's a record, right? Who told you otherwise? Is it that iron brat? 'Cause I'm sure you can kick his butt ten ways to Sunday."

"You… you think so?" the girl blinked. "Onyx is really strong..."

Laxus nodded, giving an air of nonchalance. "Yeah. M'sure he's got nothin' on your weird white dog creature-"

"-Plue." she supplied.

"Plue. Yeah. You got two of those? Sic 'em on that kid and I'm sure he's gonna regret ever callin' you weak."

Luna giggled. "Thanks, Master… Though Plue really doesn't attack people..."

"Whatever. You go call him out on his shit. I'm gonna give that kid a nice talking-to if he doesn't budge."

The young celestial spirit mage shook her head vigorously. "You don't have to! Onyx is not always mean to me..."

Laxus raised an eyebrow. "But you said he called you weak."

"He didn't. Not really." she looked down. "But he kinda made me feel like it. Sometimes. Um. Always. But s'okay. I'm feelin' better now!"

The blonde frowned a bit, slightly confused. But he shrugged that off to nod at the girl. "That's good, then."

That was when Lucy came jogging towards the bar. "Luna, baby! I've been looking for you! Good thing Glenn-… Ethan-… err, one of the twins told me you were here with Laxus." - then she looked at Laxus with an amused smile on her face. "Hey, guild master. Holdin' up alright?"

"No Dragneel or Fullbuster trying to flood, freeze or burn the guild. I'd say it's a great day." Laxus answered bluntly.

"We can agree on that one." Lucy laughed, then turned to her daughter. "Ready for training, sweetie?"

"Yup!" the girl said, smiling brightly. Laxus watched as the girl hopped off her chair and then left with her mother to go train.

That went well, Laxus thought. At least he's got a better grip on the situation this time. See, Luna really was the most level-head one. That was actually easy, talking to her. It was nice to talk to a kid if they were being reasonable. Not being lovesick, or fighting over a silly thing...

But just as he thought that he was done with the issue, he caught sight of none other than young Onyx Redfox who, like a man on a mission, was heading straight for the bar. This time, the boy sat in the stool directly in front of Laxus.

Laxus never thought that a ten-year old could be so confrontational. Nevertheless, he knew that he was the adult here, so he took the liberty to break the news to the boy. "You just missed Luna, she went with her mom. Training."

"I know. I heard." the boy said. "I was hidin' in that corner. On the wine barrel. The one Cana-san emptied last night."

Laxus sighed. "Alright, so you probably heard everythin' she said. What do you still want with me?"

"For the record, I didn't call her weak." Onyx continued. "I'll never do that, m'not a jerk and Luna's m'best friend. Also I think she's badass."

"Good." the man said, approving. That was a proper response.

Onyx was about to say something else to defend himself but another voice spoke up. "But Onyx-kun is _overprotective_~"

And then another, almost-the-same voice: "Soooo overprotective it makes Luna-chan _upset_."

"_Very_ upset."

"Like _I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you-right-now-Onyx_ upset!"

Seemingly out of nowhere and in synchronized swift motions, two identical boys hopped on the chairs on either side of Onyx. Both thirteen year-olds had unruly blue hair and matching mischievous smiles.

Laxus rolled his eyes while Onyx groaned miserably.

Erza's devil spawns have arrived.

"Good day, master!" Glenn-or-Ethan greeted innocently.

"I see Onyx-kun has confided in you about his problems!" the other one followed up. Laxus didn't bother identifying which was which.

"Luna-chan problems! Although it really saddens us that he didn't think of coming to confide with us first!"

"After all, we're teammates, right? Glenn-nii and Ethan-nii are always here to support Onyx-kun!"

"Onyx-kun and Luna-chan are our precious kouhai."

"We care about our kouhai."

"Master, you agree that Onyx-kun can trust us, right?"

Laxus still could not fathom how the twins could speak so politely and still piss him off. He also never expected that it was Erza's sons, of all the kids, who would be the troublemakers of the bunch. While Igneel and Neve generally knew the meaning of discretion and the Brooke-Marygold-Layla trio were the ones to show off in feats of strength, Glenn and Ethan were the ones everyone would automatically hold responsible when a bucket of water falls on someone's head upon opening a door, when someone slips on an obviously jinxed part of the floor, when Luna cries because she found her Plue in a bikini, when the shy and quiet new recruit is confronted by Team Marygold about love letters he supposedly sent to all three girls, or when Cana shouts to the high heavens demanding why her beer turned to orange juice… or simply when in a guild celebration all the cake goes missing.

They were the resident pranksters and they were REALLY good in a sense that everyone always knew it was their doing but no one ever found any evidence to prove it. Also, they were little perfect angelic sons whenever Erza was around (and both made their mother shed tears of affection when they once got little red temporary tattoos on their face to be awesome like daddy). _Rumor has it, though, that they were terrified of their Aunt Meredy._

Anyways, everyone was still wondering whether the boys got their mischievous side from Erza or Jellal or from distant ancestors because HOW.

From all those facts, Laxus thought of the best way to deal with the situation. "You two shut up."

"But Masteeeeer~!"

There they were, doing puppy eyes and looking very convincingly innocent. _But Master_, indeed. Master knew better. He looked at Onyx, who had slumped down grudgingly on the bar and was covering his ears while shaking his head. Master would not have this shit right now. Master likes little Luna and these evil twins are distracting him from solving her problem so Master will do what he gotta do.

"Alright." Laxus said. "Erza's Evil Spawn A and B, go to the kitchen."

The twins blinked.

"Fleur's bakin' cake. Tell her I ordered you to help."

They were gone in a flash. Truly, unmistakeably fruits of Erza's and Jellal's love. Fleur was good, Laxus trusted her to handle those two.

"Thank you." Onyx said. "They're horrible. They always tell me to go and confess to Luna and I dun' understand. Confess? Why would I tell her I was the one who took Plue's chain? She'll get mad at me though I really didn't mean it 'cause it was lyin' on the ground and I didn't know t'was for her pet so I ate it. Right?"

"I think you're missing their point, but yeah they're little shits anyway so don't listen to them."

"Yeah!" the boy nodded. "But Luna's still mad at me."

"But you swear you didn't tell her she's weak? Because that'll be a really jerk move and she wouldn't have to ask me to smack you upside the head because I'll do it myself."

"I swear I didn't tell her that!"

"Then what were those evil twins talkin' about, you getting her upset because you're overprotective?"

"I'm not overprotective!"

"Really. 'Cause your dad's got a track record of tryin' to disembowel a dude for sayin' that your mom's wearin' a nice dress."

"...r-really?"

"Levy stopped him in time 'cause the poor dude actually just also wanted the same dress for himself. That's the Legend of How Gajeel Redfox Thankfully Didn't Kill Some Cross-dresser Who Liked His Wife's Dress."

"Oh." - it was obvious that it was the first time the boy heard that particular story.

Laxus simply looked expectantly. "So?"

"...Um-… well, me, Luna and Glenn and Ethan went with Peony on a job… Or just Glenn and Ethan made Peony go with 'em on a job and then asked if me and Luna wanna go too so we did." the boy started to recall.

"You guys should stop bullying the new girl." Laxus said, slightly sidetracked.

_ (Peony was a seventeen year-old new guild member, recruited by (of course) head of the Fairy Tail unofficial charity, Cana Alberona. Peony regularly babysat the kids. And by baby-sitting, that meant she gets dragged after the annoying kids whenever they insist on going on a job by themselves. Laxus has heard from Fleur that young Igneel finds the girl's awkward love for the children cute… and consequently, Neve had taken to calling the girl a 'rival'. Neve allegedly insisted that it was 'rival' in a sense that the girl was good at elemental magic of the ice/water variety, and of course NOT the 'love rival' kind of way. Everyone knew better but just humored the boy. They didn't want another flood.)_

"She volunteers sometimes!" Onyx defended. "But yeah. So job. And then we had to fight. So Peony's bein' kickass, and Glenn and Ethan are swording and speedin' all over the place, and I fought too."

"And Luna?"

"I told her we got it and she doesn't have to fight and just stick close to me 'cause she's tiny and hates fightin' anyway and I'll protect her so she dun' have to worry. So we finished it and she didn't hafta fight. That's okay, right?"

Laxus groaned. "You're an idiot."

The kid very obviously didn't get it. "Whaaaat?"

The guild master sighed. "Let me call someone real quick. She'll give stellar advise, I tell you."

Laxus took out a Lacrima communication ball from under the counter and laid it infront of him. He placed a hand on the item and then it glowed until a familiar face was in view.

"M-Mira? Uh, Fleur-chan-?" Levy asked uncertainly, blinking.

"Oi, it's Laxus." the guild master answered. "I got a question."

There was a sound of an explosion and general chaos in the background. "THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT!" Levy shouted - not in anger, but probably to make sure Laxus heard her from his side.

"Huh. You busy?"

She laughed a bit. "Not really, we're just on the run from some big dangerous monsters right now-... Droy, please stop eating, we're supposed to be running! - Hey, I'm sorry, what was that? Of course I got time for a chat-!"

Ah, kind and gentle Levy can be sarcastic too, under pressure.

"Yeah, so..." Laxus started, glancing a bit at Onyx, who was looking at him as if he was being very rude. Laxus kinda agreed with the boy. He was asking advice from a woman who was in the middle of running for her life, after all. "If you were on a job and your teammate told you that they'll do all the work and you shouldn't do anything, and you're small so you should just stick to his side-"

"Okay, what did Gajeel do?"

Laxus raised an eyebrow. "Huh, he did that?"

"Yes! I blushed and just stared at him 'cause I thought it was really sweet but looking back, actually it isn't, I was just surprised-… SOLID SCRIPT: FIRE! - …yes, I was just surprised that he actually cared about me. That was way waaaaay back..."

"I figured."

"I admit that I was scared so I really really wanted to hear that. But boy, if he told me that if I was in real fighting shape, I'd get really mad. I mean, just 'cause I'm small, doesn't mean I can't do anything, you know! That's just like saying I'm too weak to fight beside him!"

"Yeah."

"So what's this really about?"

"Nothin', just checkin' on you guys. Uh, guild master responsibility thing."

"You sound kind of fishy-… SOLID SCRIPT: BIG BIG REALLY BIIIIIGGG FIIIIRE!"

At that, Laxus couldn't help but chuckle. "Wow. Really big fire, impressive."

Levy was not impressed with the positive reaction. "We're in a corner. Sometimes I forget big words. When desperate. Anything else? You can hear our progress well over here, I think."

"Nothin' else. Good luck, bring souvenirs."

"We will!"

The line cut off.

Laxus looked at Onyx. "So?"

The boy said, "Shit. I gotta find Luna."

"Language." the guild master half-heartedly scolded, perhaps only out of dull duty because he was so used to Igneel and Fleur chastising their younger friends about their colorful vocabularly. He watched the boy hop off his chair and dash outside.

Before he went out the doors, Onyx looked back at the man. "It's not my fault I inherited dad bein' rude, right?"

Laxus chuckled. The boy might look and act like a Redfox through and through, but he's got McGarden's wit. "I'll let you break that to him."

And the Iron Dragon Slayer-in-training was gone.

.

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** Levy surely thinks her husband and son are cute, but don't worry Laxus, she knows how to put them back to their places.

Some note thingies:

\- **Luna **(10) is the same Luna-chan from hands. She's pretty much the guild darling and a stellar mage, pun intended. She's the girl with big dreams but a level head on her shoulders, very much like her mom. But yo, she will rage like her dad.  
\- **Onyx **(10) is a grumpy tsundere Gajeel Jr. and the father-son relationship pretty much mirrors Gajeel's and Metallicana's minus the abandonment. At 10, he's still shorter than Luna (thanks to Levy's genes), which makes him grumpier... and cuter, given the protectiveness. He'll be soooo smug when he outgrows her. But will he? ;)  
\- **Glenn and Ethan **(13) are the cute well-mannered twins with outstanding talents and then you really get to know them and they're little shits... still with outstanding talent. Oh well.  
\- **Peony** (17) was created because of course we need new recruits and of course the 'local kids' would surely bully them. Imagine a bunch of preteens claiming "we've been here longer than you so we're your sempai!" to a seventeen year-old. Yeah.

.

**Up Next:** DAY FOUR. Laxus participates in every man's dreaded playtime routine: the tea party.

.

_~ Reviews are appreciated! Also, to YOU reading this, I hope that a dozen or more good things happen to you today!_


	4. DAY FOUR: Master Teacup Serves Tea

**A/N: **Prepare for Laxus in a blanket burrito.

And those who wanted to see Fraxus, well great timing because here you go.

Quick age note that I'll prolly put in every beginning of the chapters for quick reference: Team Natsu and company are around 38 to 39. Older members like Laxus, Mira and others around 41-42. Romeo is 34, Wendy is 32. The little spawns' (aka kids), as well as new OC guild members' ages will be revealed as we go along in the story.

Again, more notes and stuff after the chapter.

* * *

.

.

**Five Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children  
(and One Time He Simply Gives Up)**

.

**DAY FOUR**  
_"__I'm not cute! I'm a fierce warrior!"_

.

.

The night of the third day, Laxus concluded that yes, it was nice to see and talk to budding young mages in-training, but they were teens and preteens and for some reason they were always upset at something or mad at each other or acting stupid... and that part is not nice at all.

And yes, he knew that he was acting like a grumpy old man (because all of Fairy Tail knows that Laxus Dreyar wasn't the most responsible teenage mage himself back in the day). Freed even pointed this out.

"Laxus, you're already sleeping? It's like... 9 o'clock." the rune mage remarked, entering their bedroom after coming home from a week-long solo mission. It was unusual to see Laxus already asleep so early... and even more unusual to see him in a blanket cocoon.

"I woke up at five. Have some fucking mercy." Laxus groaned from under the haven of the covers.

"Oh, you helped at the bar?"

"I ran it."

"Okay... tough day?"

Laxus peeked his head out from the blankets to look at the other man. "Days."

Freed blinked, slipping off his coat and boots and sitting on a bed. "Tough days." he repeated.

"Yeah." Boy, Laxus made a HUGE blanket cocoon. It was both weird and unexpectedly cute. Also maybe scary. "In the course of three days, I had to deal with Icepick Junior flood the guild in lovesick tantrums, and Mary walking out on her team, and Mini Gajeel having no idea how much of a jerk he was bein' until his own mom laid everything down on the table... while slayin' some monster; who ever said that Team Shadow Gear was weak?"

"O... kay?"

"-and to top that all off, that very same afternoon - _THIS AFTERNOON_ \- there was an explosion in the kitchen."

"W-What?"

"Fleur and the twins barely escaped, and all three of 'em were covered in flour and frosting."

Freed look at him disbelievingly. "What the heck happened?"

"That's exactly what I said, 'cept I prolly replaced 'heck' with 'fuck'. To hell with watchin' my language, those little pests made my kitchen explode. And 'ya know what they said?"

.

_"We didn't know, swear!"_

_"We were just mixing some stuff-"_

_"-for the cake batter!"_

_The three stepped back when lightning crackled around the guild master's head. "Mixing-... THE OVEN EXPLODED."_

_They just smiled innocently._

_If he didn't know better, Laxus would've fallen for the act. Instead, he just gave up and grounded the twins from the kitchen and Fleur from baking._

.

Freed didn't know what to say.

Laxus just stared at him smugly for a good ten seconds before saying, "Uh. Welcome home."

"T-Thanks... I... um..." Freed looked at the blonde again, and at the blanket cocoon. He didn't want to say 'I'm sorry the kids are a handful.', because somehow he knew that Laxus would just agree and curse some more... He didn't feel like telling Laxus about the solo mission either, because truth be told, Freed enjoyed the little excursion, and the dragon slayer might just get more upset about how everyone else was having fun while he was stuck in the guild. So he really was at a loss of what to say...

So he finally offered, "Want to cuddle?"

.

After doing a lot more than cuddling, Freed finally said, "I leave for another job tomorrow."

"WHAT?"

"Bixlow found this job for me. Retrieval, but requires some knowledge of runes... and he asked me to let him tag along if I'm taking it, told me he'll get bored hanging around the guild all day-"

"I'll go. Bixlow can run the bar."

"...after what Fleur and the twins did?"

"..."

"You're letting Fleur _AND Bix_ run the bar together?"

Everyone knew that Fleur's secret mischievous streak came from the puppeteer.

"..."

"But it's your say, anyway… You're the guild master-"

"...No. Shit. Whatever this job is, go and take one of them with you."

.

* * *

.

On the fourth day, there was a new oven... or more like Fleur brought in the oven from their house as apology, since her parents were away, anyway. Laxus banned her from using it, though.

Laxus stuck to his conclusion that it was plain stressful dealing with the older kids. But that lazy afternoon, Laxus was happy to say that for some reason those older kids were all busy somewhere else, and he found himself in the company of Elfman and Evergreen's third daughter.

He liked the third daughter.

Ellette was twelve years old, and so far hasn't shown any magical abilities, despite all her family being mages. This made the girl a bit of a loner, even though her parents, siblings and extended family always made sure she felt loved. Plus, Freed spoiled her rotten, being her godfather.

Freed spoiling her rotten also meant that the girl took up being mighty intelligent with killer kitchen skills.

That afternoon, Laxus was enjoying his time sampling various treats that the girl was making. Because Fleur moved the oven from their house, Ellette followed suit. Let's say she also took after Freed's and Ever's strict schedule organization habits and she wasn't letting the lack of an oven stop her from her scheduled 'dessert-making day'.

Laxus wouldn't dare complain. He was being fed delicious desserts every half-hour, and he just shook off the fact that he was also drinking tea from a fancy frilly tea set and wearing a bib and sitting with a princess doll and a pink teddy bar. Also, there's a flower crown on his head, but what the hell flower crowns are cool.

And it was all happenning on the guild's bar. Good thing it was an off day and many people were out.

...Yeah, he got roped in to a tea party while Ellette was serving stuff, but hey, he can live with that. It wasn't his first tea party with a little girl and her dolls.

"How is it, Master?" the girl asked as she walked in with another plate of dessert, this time it was a fancy-looking cupcake. She was bouncing in excitement and pride, her twin silver pigtails swinging as she did so. He'll bet the whole guild that Freed supplied his beloved goddaughter with the supplies for this so-called 'dessert-making day'. She was spoiled liked that.

"It's great. Hold off on the frosting, though." he commented on the last cake he just ate. Then he eyed the plate that the girl set in front of him. "What's this now?"

The girl answered cheerfully. "Red velvet cupcake! Do you want sprinkles?"

"Uh-"

"I'll put sprinkles!"

"...Okay."

The girl happily added sprinkles to the treat before waiting for the man to eat the dessert.

It was his fourth dessert of the day; may Mavis save his blood sugar.

_Dammit, he sounds like an old grandpa. At 42._

"It's good." he answered. "Freed taught you this, too?"

"Nuh-uh, this one I studied by myself! I'll use it to surprise Uncle F! D'you think he'd like it?"

"He loves everythin' you make, kid."

The girl squeaked happily and then glomped at him before running off to the kitchen again, shouting a cheerful "Next, GINGERBREAD HOUSE!"

Laxus sighed, wondering if he was going to die that day. Hey, at least he'll die with a stomach full of great food.

He was contentedly nibbling on the cupcake and reading through a colorful cookbook that the girl left with him as some sort of 'menu', that it actually took him by surprise when someone barged in the guild shouting.

_"HERE, PRINCESS! WE'RE GONNA HIDE IN HERE I'M SURE THE EVIL DRAGON WON'T SEE US!"_

Laxus looked up to see a red-haired little girl in what was unmistakeably an oversized knight armor, carrying a wooden toy sword and leading a charge inside the guild.

Gertrude, Erza's and Jellal's only daughter, was eight and was reciting what Laxus was sure was her own script wholeheartedly. She was known for her dramatics. They all say she got it from Erza.

_Who else once fought wearing a wedding gown while scolding her enemy about respecting the purity and strength of a bride's heart?_

"Gertie, don't be so loud! People might get mad!" a boy with curly raven hair scolded lightly as he let himself be dragged by the young pretend knight. Laxus raised an eyebrow upon seeing Cana's nine year-old son with a fancy tiara on his head and a frilly pink ballet skirt over his shorts. Gunnar looked more troubled by the fact that they were disturbing people than by the fact that he was playing the princess.

"Don't worry, my princess! I'll protect you!" was all Gertie said, smiling her winning smile. "You and your noble steed and your fairy!"

And finally Laxus noticed the other two members of Gertie's cavalry: Elvin, nine, Elfman and Evergreen's youngest child and only son - was wearing a horse mask and answered with an unconvincing (hey, he tried) "Neeeighhhh~!", and Asa, thirteen, the freckled, ginger-haired young mage that Layla brought to the guild not too long ago, was no doubt coerced (read: forced) by the younger kids to wear fake fairy wings, hold a magic wand and play along with them.

Laxus had to resist the urge to laugh. Then the kids noticed him and his little tea party on the bar.

"M-Master?" Asa asked, perhaps the sight was too weird that he had to confirm.

Gertie wasted no time to include the blonde man in the plot of her play. "Perfect! We shall set up camp here and join... err... Master Teacup for tea! And we shall tell him of our wonderful adventure!"

Laxus snorted, but didn't burst the kid's bubble. This stuff, he can deal with. "Alright, sit down and Master Teacup will get more tea and cups."

He stood up to fetch more tea and cups as promised, while the children all sat obediently across him. Asa had to help Gertie and Gunnar so they can sit on the high chairs. When he got back, he saw the kids eyeing the leftover pastries from earlier and he just sighed. "Fine, you can have those. And the cupcake too."

The younger kids quickly picked on the small pastries, while Asa accepted half of the red velvet cupcake that Laxus was eating.

"That's a nice flower crown, Master Teacup!" Gertie cheerfully remarked. "It matches your eyes!"

"Thanks, it was a present." Laxus said. Whoever said he can't take compliments with grace?

Tea got served and Laxus watched them lazily. He felt a bit guilty as he saw Gertie pout at the empty plate of what used to be a small cake before he ate it by himself, then he looked at Gunnar and Elvin, Gunnar adjusting the horse mask that his best friend was wearing. A stubborn tuft of Elvin's silver hair kept escaping from the mask, annoying both of the boys.

"So I'm guessing _someone_ lost a bet." Laxus started, smirking when Gertie looked up at him and smiled proudly, while Gunnar and Asa sighed.

"It was actually rock-paper-scissors..." Asa admitted.

Gertie blinked. "S'okay, though, right? Gun's a great princess!"

"You wanted to paint my face!" Gunnar complained. "With the makeup stuff!"

"You lost rock-paper-scissors!" the only girl in the group argued.

"Ellie-nee is here?" Elvin asked, ignoring his playmates, perhaps recognizing the tea set and the dolls beside Laxus.

Laxus nodded. "Yep, she's in the kitchen, makin' a gingerbread house."

"Awesome!" the boy said, all-too familiar with his sister's delicious desserts.

"Who's Ellie gonna be?" Gunnar asked their leader.

Gertie thought for a bit. "Hmmm... ah! Missus Teacup!"

Laxus almost choked on his tea.

As if on cue, Ellette peeked her head from the kitchen, asking out loud. "Master, should I put peppermint?"

"ELLIEEEE~!" the kids exclaimed happily and waved to get the girl's attention, always happy to see their resident kitchen goddess-in-training.

The girl blinked, then smiled. "Ohhhh, more people! I gotta make it _bigger_! I'll put peppermint! And sprinkles!" Then she was back in the kitchen.

Laxus just sighed as he watched the kids bouncing excitedly on their seats. "Alright, stop bouncing or I'll eat the whole thing when she brings it here. Just drink your tea quietly."

"Yessir!"

Laxus looked at Asa, who had been drinking his tea quietly all this time. "Hey, newbie."

"Yes, sir?" the boy looked up attentively.

"Mary wants you in her team, right? She's been asking me to help convince you. Guess you haven't accepted that offer yet?"

The young teen looked down. "Uh, I'm not sure. Marygold's nice, but... I've gone with them on a mission once... and Layla and Brooke are kinda... too much for me… They're _scary_. "

"Nah, my girl just wants someone to help her deal with those two. And you're a healer, yeah?"

"Y-yes. I study healing magic..."

"You getting lessons from Wendy?"

"Not really lessons, since she's pretty busy... but Wendy-san's been sharing some stuff with me. She said that when she's free, I should train with her some."

"Good. Keep at it. Mavis knows we need more healers here. That team on its own needs a dedicated healer, you've seen how they get."

Asa smiled. "Yes, sir."

"...and don't let little kids bully you too much. Really. I'm not used to feeling bad for other people but you and Peony are being dragged by these kids around everytime."

"Y-Yes sir..." the teen said, laughing awkwardly.

Then Laxus turned to the other kids. The boys were now folding the napkins to make paper boats and airplanes, while Gertie was contentedly playing with the princess doll that was sitting on the bar, humming.

"Hey, uh. Gunnar. I thought you were on a trip with your dad?" the guild master asked.

"We got back early. Just this mornin'." the boy answered politely. Almost too polite to come from the son of two known drunks. "Ma and grampa are away though, and dad said he's gonna sleep all day."

Laxus raised an eyebrow. "Where's your sister?" Because someone ought to look after a three year-old. Right?

"Peony took her to Juvia-san to play with Mika-chan. Juvia-san's gonna take care of 'er while Ma's gone."

Ah, that's it. Bless Cana's young freeloading teenage babysitter, and of course Juvia.

"Hn. You enjoy your week off with your dad?"

The boy shrugged. "Same ol' dad. Taught me some cool moves, though."

Laxus got nervous all of a sudden. _Cool moves?_ _Training?_ "Please tell me he didn't get you _drunk_ before teaching you his fighting style."

"Nah, I told him I wanna fight sober. But he taught me while he was drunk. He passed out after."

Laxus raised an eyebrow. "What did you do?"

The boy continued. "I drew on his face."

"Nice one."

They shared a fist bump.

Laxus thought for a bit. Yeah, maybe Gunnar Alberona can join Luna in Laxus' list of sensible kids. Cana was not a single mom in the classic sense. She was just a single woman, yes. With kids. Gunnar was the result of a drunk one-night flurry with her best drinking buddy, and she decided to keep the baby...

_'Wait, does this mean I have to marry you?'_

_'Stupid, who said you have to marry me? I'm just sayin' that you're IN THIS with me.'_

_'Which means...?'_

_'You're gonna contribute.'_

_'Oh. Cool. When do we pick a name? We should pick something AWESOME.'_

_'Yeah! Like BEER!'_

_'Or BOOZE! It has a Z and that makes it so much cooler.'_

Everyone was in awe that such a logical and civil conversation went on between the two top drunkards of Fiore. Now Cana is a proud mom and Bacchus is a proud dad, and Gildarts is a proud grandpa, and everyone was happy.

_(But boy, the nine months that Cana went by without alcohol was the nine longest months in the history of Fairy Tail. To be fair, Bacchus impressively joined her in booze-abstinence. As she said, "IT TOOK TWO OF US TO MAKE THIS KID YOU BETTER SUFFER TOO YOU FUCKING BASTARD." - it was the hormones.)_

...and so far Gunnar (not named 'Beer' or 'Booze' or god forbid 'Alcohol' thanks to Lucy's and Gray's kind intervention) is a very well-adjusted kid so who was anyone to judge the Alberona-Groh parenting arrangement?

On the other hand, little Cornelia, now three, was a baby girl that Cana found in the doorstep of Fairy Tail one night and kept as her own. That was just her. She may not have 'settled down', but Cana was the 'Most Mom To Ever Mom' (Bixlow's words) in the guild. She regularly took kids in and sheltered them in the guild halls and sometimes in her own home. Gildarts himself never complained about random unfamiliar children in their house when he arrived after jobs. As of the moment, both Peony and Asa were bunking in at Cana's, making up to their temporary guardian by helping with the house chores and going on jobs.

It's a really heartwarming thing, really. Laxus just sucked at telling fluffy stories.

But yes, the point is - Laxus kinda liked little Gunnar Alberona too. He's a cool kid.

Turning to the next one, Laxus called the boy in the horse mask. "Elvin."

"Yes, Master?"

"Why don't you try an animal takeover instead of the horse mask?"

The boy scratched his head. "Ehhh, I tried."

"Tell 'im what happened." Gunnar said, sniggering.

"No!"

"What happened?" Laxus prompted, knowing the boy would answer him. He was taking advantage of his title, but what the hell.

The boy looked down as he admitted, "I was naked with just the horse tail." The group burst out in laughter while Elvin blushed and shouted at them to stop. "It's not funny! Heeeeyyy!"

"Then he screamed!" Gunnar added, earning a punch to his arm. "Because Gertie saw 'im!"

Gertie also stopped laughing. "What, me?"

Gunnar nodded as he continued. "You saw 'im naked."

"I already saw _both_ of you guys naked."

They stared at her, horrified.

But Gertie just shrugged. "I dunno what's the big deal. I dunno why you guys keep screamin'."

"B-b-b-because you're a _girl_!"

"...So?"

They didn't know how to answer that.

Laxus wanted to put all this in Lacrima-vision for safekeeping and perhaps future blackmail.

"It's funny though, the horse tail." Gertie said, chuckling, making Gunnar laugh again.

Elvin blushed in protest. "I don't have practice with horse, okay?! T'was my first time! Aunt Lisanna hasn't taught me that yet!"

Laxus finally stopped laughing enough to reassure the kid. "Alright, alright. We get it. You need practice. We'll stop now." It took him some five more minutes before Gunnar and Gertie stopped laughing and teasing their friend.

Laxus then turned towards the only girl (and leader) of the group. "And you. No training with your mother?"

Gertie shrugged. "Gun' and 'Vin came over. Mommy was happy that Gun's back so she said today I can go play 'stead of train."

Laxus accepted the answer easy. Erza is (still) a big softie. "So it's your day off."

"Yep."

"But you're still wearing armor."

"I'm a knight."

"Of course you are. And I haven't seen your brothers around today."

"Mommy heard about the oven going 'boom'." the girl answered. "They're grounded and they hafta help at home the whole day."

"They had that comin'."

"Yeah! They always eat all the cake and flirt with the older ladies thinkin' they're all cute and stuff. Ig-nii is cuter than them."

"You think so? Igneel is cuter than your brothers?" Laxus asked. It was a well-known fact that the twins were little evil ladykillers, and Igneel, even though he has fangirls, sucked at flirting when it matters.

Gertie thought for a while. "Yeah~ He's cool. And nice! And brings cool games and tells awesome stories when he's at our house. Neve-nii is cool too. Ig-nii and Neve-nii are cute AND nice. My brothers are cute AND mean AND they make trouble."

"Make trouble. Your words?"

"Auntie Meredy said that. Oh! She's at the house today!"

Laxus chuckled. "Let me guess. Looking after the twins."

Hah, they deserve it. The pink-haired sensory mage scared the shit out of the twins for some reason.

"Yeah, good for 'em. Auntie's awesome." the girl huffed. "And they're both just weird, always makin' fun of people. Like what they did with Asa."

"Please don't remind me." the teen said from his seat. "I will never send the same love letter to three different girls at the same time. Not if all three of them can kill me."

Laxus threw a smug smile at the boy and then turned back to Gertie. "So you don't like your brothers?"

The girl pouted. "They're the worst."

"But they like you."

"They think I'm a baby! I'm not a baby. Simon is a baby. I'M EIGHT! And I can requip! And they still go 'Gertie-chan so cute baby sister so cute very cute!'. I am not cute."

"Yes, you are." came in unison from Gunnar and Elvin, then both blinked and looked at each other.

Gertie looked at the two boys. Laxus thought that he had seen this before.

Then finally noticing that their leader was starting to glare at them, the boys quickly shook their heads.

"Oh, yeah. You're not."

"Not cute. Not cute, Gertie."

"You're scary. Yeah."

"Totally scary, not cute."

_'Ah.'_ Laxus thought, resisting the urge to laugh. _'Levy, Jet, Droy.'_

"That's right!" Gertie stomped a tiny fist on the bar top for emphasis. "I'm _not_ cute! I'm a FIERCE WARRIOR!"

Laxus wanted so badly to disagree, specially seeing the girl with an adorable pout and holding Ellie's pink princess doll. Instead he simply said, "Right. You're fierce, kid. Like your mom."

Gertie was pleased. Her best friends just looked at her awkwardly, perhaps thinking of how to tell the girl that for some reason she had a bit of frosting on her nose. All this time.

Laxus simply sighed and grabbed a napkin that the boys haven't turned into origami yet, and then wiped the icing off the girl's face himself.

That was when Ellette had gone out the kitchen carrying a big, fancy and delicious-looking gingerbread house on a tray. The children clapped their hands excitedly. "Alright everyone, you hafta promise me something before eating this!"

"We promise!" the kids blurted out automatically.

"You have to give comments! Useful comments, so I can make it better next time!"

_"We promiiiiiise!"_

Ellette smiled proudly, then laid the treat on the table. "Alright, have at it."

"Thank you, Missus Teacup!" came from all four (yes, including the thirteen year-old) as they all poked curiously and hungrily at the house, maybe trying to see how they can start eating it without ruining it too much. It looked too good so it kinda made them feel bad to just destroy it in one go.

"Missus Teacup?" the girl blinked, clueless.

Gertie answered quickly, "Master is Master Teacup." Then she joined her friends in eating the treat.

Ellette looked at Laxus with wide eyes. "Is Missus Teacup s'pposed to be Master Teacup's...?"

Laxus didn't know how to answer that. The girl looked upset, being made to be his wife.

Thankfully, Gunnar helpfully supplied, "Yeah, that's why she's Missus."

Ellette burst into a disbelieving "I'M MASTER'S WAIFU?!" as she grabbed at Laxus' shirt.

"Uhhh..."

And then to his surprise, the girl looked at him with a big smile and blushing cheeks. She excitedly asked, "Like Uncle F is your waifu?"

"Oh." So that's what she was after. "Yeah, I think so?"

"Yaaaayyyyy~!" the girl cried happily, hugging him. Laxus simply pat the girl's head awkwardly. "I'm gonna be a great waifu like Uncle F!"

Laxus was grateful he was not drinking tea because he could have choked. For the second time that day.

But he had to admit, he liked this better than any of those teenagers' silly shenanigans.

.

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** What even is the color of that flower crown for it to match Laxus' eyes. Gertie, please do not listen to your father's ideas on how to woo girls because his idea of showing his love and dedication after seven years and pushing the love of his life away and lying about a fiancee.

Some note thingies:

\- **Ellette** (12) - means 'little elf', for those who are curious. After 2 girls named in the tradition of Ever's name, I figure we also need a girl named after her dad. She's a clever girl. Still haven't really decided if she will stay as a "badass normal", or if she's just a late bloomer. For now she stays as a non-mage, because I just thought that it would be nice to see a little kid fitting in and being accepted despite being 'different' from all her peers and family.  
\- **Gertrude/Gertie **(8) is a fierce warrior. She is constantly embarrassed at her big brothers' doting, but is down and out as her daddy's little girl.  
\- **Elvin **(9) means 'elf' and 'wise/precious friend', which fits both his dad's name motif and the 'gentle giant' character that I imagined him to be. I see him as having her dad's personality pre-"I AM A MANLY MAN" character shift.  
\- **Gunnar **(9) - PLEASE DON'T KILL ME. I headcanon Cana as allosexual aromantic. Yeah I guess not all people are comfortable with alloaros, but I said_ 'to hell with it girl, represent!'_ I can see Cana as an independent woman with a great career taking in all these kids and watching over them, just lending them a helping hand or a listening ear until they sort themselves out and either move on or stay. I also wanted to see her as a strong, awesome, single mom, but I can't see it being due to her partner's death, or even a divorce. So I thought that Bacchus and Cana can totally work it out, and they're canonically drinking buddies... and both can be consenting adults and may engage in a healthy casual relationship now and then. And once the unexpected happens, they can talk it out in a civil manner. So it kinda worked for my headcanon. They may not have a conventional bride-and-veil marriage or family but they're great, respected parents and it may be unconventional but NOT dysfunctional. So yes. I'm sticking to this.  
\- **Asa **(13) - means 'physician' or 'cure'. Hence his healing magic. Remember how Natsu found Lucy and took her to Fairy Tail? I'd like to think this is how Layla found him too *squeals* - although as of now he's still not officially with Team Marygold (I feel u bro, them girls be crazy). Eventually, he'll sign up for that, and I think it'll be refreshing to see a team of three kickass girls bringing on the chaos and that one guy in the back facepalming and just bracing himself on how to fix the mess they've made and to patch up their wounds after they're done wreaking havoc.

.

**Up Next:** DAY FIVE. Toddlers.

.

_~ Reviews are appreciated! How was your day, reader? I hope it was great. If it's just starting - I hope it'll be great~!  
_


	5. DAY FIVE: The Crayon Problem

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay, the internet connection sucks where I am right now.

But here it is. TODDLERS!

Quick age note that I'll prolly put in every beginning of the chapters for quick reference: Team Natsu and company are around 38 to 39. Older members like Laxus, Mira and others around 41-42. Romeo is 34, Wendy is 32. The little spawns' (aka kids), as well as new OC guild members' ages will be revealed as we go along in the story.

Again, more notes and stuff after the chapter.

* * *

.

.

**Five Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children  
(and One Time He Simply Gives Up)**

.

**DAY FIVE**  
_"W-W-Why d'you broke blue-chan?!"_

.

.

While Laxus liked dealing with younger kids, he didn't mean TOO YOUNG.

Maybe God hates him.

Because he found himself looking after toddlers.

Toddlers. Who were all named after dead people.

Four year-old Simon and five year-old Mika murdering crayons on paper while three year-old Cornelia kept trying to eat Laxus' ear. Or finger. Or hair. The little pest kept trying to put things in her mouth while the other two argued on whose turn it is on a color of crayon.

He wished he went on that boring retrieval job with Freed and Bixlow. However boring he thought it was.

What really happened was this: Juvia took a job that specifically requested for a water mage. The job was urgent so Laxus sent for her, and she only agreed after he promised that someone will look after Mika (her youngest) and Cornelia (who was Cana's, but was left to Juvia for the week the brunette was out of town). Brooke was in bedrest from whatever disaster her team caused the previous day, while her brother made sure she actually stayed in bed, so they couldn't be expected to babysit the two younger children in their house. Laxus said 'alright', that he'd get someone to look after the kids for the day.

He immediately thought of Erza...

But then Erza had to accompany Jellal and Meredy on a hunt for a dodgy dark guild, also leaving young Simon in Laxus' care.

Lucy, Gray and Natsu were still out of town on a week-long job. Peony got dragged by kids somewhere again. Asa went with Wendy to the next town over to get some medical supplies and for some knowledge-sharing time. Levy, Jet and Droy were still on their way home. Gajeel… well, Laxus had no idea where the man was, but he must be looking after his own kids or something.

Others were also out on jobs and stuff…

'Ugh.' was what he mentally concluded, avoiding little Cornelia's grabby hands from grabbing his nose this time. "Dammit, kid. No. Uh… uh-… Bad. You shouldn't grab people's noses like that."

She didn't listen, then went for his ear again.

He watched Simon and Mika for a while. Simon looked much like a red-haired Jellal, just with shorter, neater hair (which is going to be a mess in a few, knowing kids), while Mika had wavy blue hair and dark eyes, looking much like her mother. Both kids, thankfully, have stopped fighting over one crayon and were coloring quietly again.

He did what he always saw the women and other expert babysitters do when they babysit kids. "Hey, squirt. I mean, uh, Mika. What're you drawin'?"

"Rain."

True enough, she had drawn a pink window with the curtains drawn, and now was focusing on the clouds and raindrops from she no doubt wanted to portray as a view from the window. Laxus was impressed. There was even a small teru teru bozu doll on the windowpane. "Why are you drawing rain?"

"Mika like rain."

"Really, you do?"

"Mm-hm… pitter-patter, pitter-patter... "

Laxus decided to leave her at that. He then turned to the other kid. "How 'bout you, Simon?"

The kid answered quickly, then pointed at his drawing one by one. "Mommy and Daddy and big bro and big bro..."

"Ah. Good."

"Then m'gonna draw big sis and me too."

"Great. Cool."

"Then m'gonna draw Auntie Mer'dy and Auntie Milli and and and Unc' Sho and-"

Laxus let the kid enumerate all his loved ones while he looked at the little girl in his arms. Cornelia had grabbed his collar and was trying to pull at his shirt for some reason.

"Kid, no! Bad. No pulling."

Cornelia looked at him innocently. The little girl had red-gold hair tied on the top of her head with a bright green ribbon, which matched her equally striking green eyes. She barely resembled her adoptive mother. If anything, the girl looked more like Gildarts' daughter than Cana did.

"What?" he asked suspiciously, letting the little hand stay on his cheek.

"Lashus!" the girl said delightedly, both her hands grabbing the man's face.

"What-… Lashes?"

"You Lashus."

His eyes narrowed. "Is… is that supposed to be my name?"

The girl laughed. "LASHUS!"

"Okay. What do you want?"

"Mama!"

"Mama's out."

"Mama out?"

"Yeah, away."

"Mama gone."

"Yeah, prolly earning jewels, to buy you toys."

"Mama back?"

"She'll come back. Tomorrow."

"Gampa!"

"Gampa's out with your Mama."

"Juwi?"

"Juvia had to go-"

"Fur!"

"Fur?"

"Fuuuuurrrrr! Want Fur!" Cornelia repeated, squeezing his face, obviously getting impatient.

"Why do you want fur? Wait, is it fur?"

"Fur!" the girl said, now getting visibly upset. "Fuuuur!"

"What the hell are you-… wait. Fleur?"

"Yah!"

"You want Fleur?"

"FUR!"

He took that as a yes.

All the kids want Fleur. She was their awesome big sister, but only next to Asuka-nee-chan, of course. Before, Asuka had lots of time to spare with the children, but now that she was 24 with a flourishing career and currently one of Fairy Tail's top assets, she was often busy. That left Fleur and Igneel as next eldest. Thankfully, both were reliable and good influences. Most of the time. Sometimes Fleur had the tendency to mix in with the twins' pranks, and Igneel himself was a big goofball.

"Fleur's out." Laxus said.

The girl pouted, then demanded, "IGNI!"

Great, now he has to say that Igneel's not around as well. "Igni's out, too."

"Gun-nii."

And now she wants her brother. "Your big bro's out there somewhere playing with his friends."

"No."

"Yes."

"Noooo! Gun-niiiii!"

"You're stuck with me, kid."

"Poni?"

"Peony's on a job."

"Poni gone?"

"Peony's gone, ye-"

Then he was interrupted when Mika started crying and Simon started yelling.

"W-W-Why d'you broke blue-chan?!"

"I dunno! Don't mean it!"

"You broke blue-chan! Mika was gunna make clouds and rains and sky!"

"I dun mean it! It just broke!"

Good Mavis they're fighting over the blue crayon this time, and Laxus saw that the poor blue crayon was indeed broken. No wonder Mika was crying.

Meanwhile Cornelia had tried to eat Laxus' collar.

"Hey, I said no eating anything!" Laxus scolded, perhaps a wee bit harsher than he intended.

The girl then looked at him with wide eyes, and then burst into tears and wailed loudly.

"Oh god." Laxus muttered, as he began shaking the girl to soothe her. "Hey, hey I'm sorry, okay. You can eat my shirt again. Yeah, go. Please stop crying."

She cried even louder, proving that such a feat was possible. HOW DO KIDS DO IT?

"Cor-… I'll call Peony! Or your brother, or Igni or Fur or whatever just stoppit-"

Then, he felt a tug at his shirt. "Master tell Mika I didn' broke the blue!" Simon exclaimed, now also starting to cry.

"Hey. Simon. Don't cry-"

He cried anyway.

Well, Mika cried some more. "Mika was gunna make clouds...! Now Mika can't make clouds...!"

And it was like a replay of day one, because Simon yelled about water on the guild floor and not knowing how to swim...

...while Mika was flooding the guild with her tears while actually making it SNOW inside the vicinity oh wow that's definitely new. Juvia and Gray didn't tell him about this-...

Did they even know?

So Laxus turned to tell Mika to stop crying lest they all drown or freeze, as Simon shouted about protecting his drawings as he shielded the papers from the falling snow… all the while Cornelia was still crying BUT ALSO pulling at Laxus' collar because the snow on her head was making her uncomfortable.

And then it happened.

Laxus never thought it would happen, but it did.

A familiar rough voice was heard. "Look at it this way, kid. Now that blue-chan's in two pieces, you and Simon can both have one blue-chan. Right?"

Mika and Simon immediately stopped and looked at the two halves of the blue crayon.

Laxus was saved from terrorizing toddlers by none other than Gajeel Redfox, who was carrying his own six year-old daughter Linnet. Well, more like he had a mini version of his wife riding on his shoulders as he ignored the ankle-deep water on the floor. He quickly put his daughter down to sit on the bar top and Linnet marveled at the falling snow inside the guild.

"Gajeel-san..." Mika sniffed, looking up at the familiar man.

Gajeel leaned down and ruffled the girl's hair while he laid a hand on young Simon's head. "Crayons still work even when they're broken. Lemme."

Simon handed the two halves of the crayon to the man, then wiped his tear on his sleeve to pay attention.

The iron dragon slayer looked at the crayons shortly and took one. "Mika, you take this one." Then he peeled the paper wrapping of the other piece before picking up the pencil sharpener lying unused on the table and sharpening the crayon quickly. "Simon, here 'ya go. Then you can use blue-chan at the same time."

"Really?" Mika asked, then watched as her playmate began coloring again. She smiled when she saw that the crayon was indeed working fine.

The snow stopped.

"Yeah, yeah." Gajeel said, then got a small towel from his pocket and wiped the girl's tears. "Now, you kinda made a bit of a mess in the floor. You think you can make the water go away?"

"Sorry." the girl said, looking down and then raising both hands. She focused hard, pouting as she willed the water to 'crawl out' the guild doors. She breathed deeply after. "Is that okay?"

"Good girl." Gajeel said, patting the girl's head. Mika giggled, letting the man lift her up, take her seat and then prop her on his lap instead.

Laxus was too dumbfounded that he didn't even notice that Cornelia had also stopped crying. The three year-old was now laughing because Linnet, sitting cross-legged on the bar, was making funny faces at the younger girl.

Gajeel looked back at him. "Why're you lookin' at me like that? 'Ya don't even know how to solve the broken crayon problem?"

Laxus coughed and avoided the man's look. "I don't have kids."

"Anyone who knows how crayons work would know how to handle that situation." the raven-head said, expression smug.

"It was snowing and flooding inside the building and someone was trying to eat my shirt. There were three kids cryin' their eyes out, how am I supposed to know which one to shut up first?"

Gajeel snorted. "Levy calls it 'grace under pressure', y'know."

Laxus groaned. "I don't care what Levy calls it. This is my fifth day lookin' after kids that I don't remember havin' and-… dammit kid, my ear is not food!"

Gajeel laughed, while Linnet giggled behind her hand. The raven-head explained, "She's bored."

"What?" Laxus asked irritably, wiping the drool from his ear and neck.

"Her friends are doin' somethin', she's just watchin' and they're too busy to talk to her. She's not holdin' or eating anything so she's tryin' to find the nearest thing." Gajeel continued.

"Well, I gave her a spoon and she tried to stab me with it. Almost got me in the eye!"

Gajeel just looked at him pointedly.

"And she doesn't like me. She's just asking for different people. Her mom or grandpa or Juvia or her brother and Fur- I mean, Fleur."

Gajeel sighed. "Just put her down." He turned to his daughter. "Lin, you wanna show some of your stuff to this kid?"

The girl smiled excitedly, turning to Laxus. "May I?"

"Whatever." Laxus grumbled, putting Cornelia down on the floor while Linnet grabbed her own piece of paper and a pencil from Mika's and Simon's stash. The girl hopped down gracefully from the bar top and then pulled Cornelia to sit on the floor with her.

"'Ya wanna see something cool?" the girl asked.

Cornelia clapped her hands together, pleased. "Lin! Draw!"

Linnet drew a big heart shape on the paper and then put her pencil down. She put her little hands over the shape and bit her lip, trying to focus her magic. After a few seconds, a pink, heart-shaped puff of smoke erupted from the paper. "Ta-da!"

Her audience squealed in delight. "More!"

"Alright, this one's gonna be cooler!"

Laxus withdrew his gaze from the girls and looked at Gajeel, now entertaining the other two kids as they talked to him about their crayon masterpieces. He even helped Mika draw more teru-teru bozu on the windowpane of her drawing, and pointed out to Simon that he drew his dad's tattoo on the wrong side of his face.

Damn. Fatherhood changes people.

Finally swallowing his pride, Laxus offered the other man free drinks if he stayed for the afternoon and looked after the kids with him.

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** Gajeel is a great dad.

Some note thingies:

\- **Cornelia** (3) - still hasn't decided if she's going to be a mage or not... She was a baby left in Fairy Tail's doorstep. Cana took her in at first with a plan to deliver her to the orphanage the next day. But the orphanage was full so Cana reported to the authorities to reach out to the baby girl's parents. After two weeks of no one turning up for the baby, Cana finally asked Gunnar if he wants to have a baby sister. Of course the boy loved the little girl already, and even suggested that they name her after his grandma who his grandpa always told him stories of.  
\- **Simon **(4) is named after Simon, Kagura's brother and Jellal/Erza's friend in the Tower of Heaven. I betcha Kagura cried when Erza and Jellal told her they're naming their youngest after her brother, and cried harder when they asked her to be the boy's godmother. He's not yet practicing magic, but his bond with both his mom and godmom has led him to be interested in swordfighting.  
\- **Mika **(5) is named after Gray's mom. I'd love to see a little Juvia who grew up loving the rain and snow, instead of fearing it. But having her mother's magic also means letting rain or snow loose when she loses some control, so she has been taught early on how to clean up her messes. Neve's idea, that.  
\- **Linnet** (6) is a tiny bird. Google it, it's cute. I thought it would suit a lively little girl, but don't get her wrong. She's more 'hardcore' than her brother Onyx, who is a big softie inside. Linnet is punk rock and unlike her dad, the guild actually likes her singing. Tough as nails but no doubt loves cute things.

.

**Up Next:** DAY SIX. The one time he finally gave up.

.

_~ Reviews are appreciated! HELLO, READER. WHY, YOU ARE GORGEOUS!_


	6. DAY SIX: The One Time He Gave Up

A/N: The internet connection SUUUUUUX where I am.

But finally the last part. I'm afraid it's just a teeny weeny thingy.

Quick age note that I'll prolly put in every beginning of the chapters for quick reference: Team Natsu and company are around 38 to 39. Older members like Laxus, Mira and others around 41-42. Romeo is 34, Wendy is 32. The little spawns' (aka kids), as well as new OC guild members' ages will be revealed as we go along in the story.

Again, more notes and stuff after the chapter.

* * *

.

.

**Five Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children  
(and One Time He Simply Gives Up)**

.

**DAY SIX**  
_"I don't want kids. Let's never adopt please."  
_

.

.

The Strausses were back. The other parents were back. There were no kids in sight. Well, there were, but they weren't Laxus' responsibility now.

Team Marygold, for once, were sitting peacefully in one table without fighting. Probably because the three girls had a common cause, which was to recruit Asa in their team. Igneel and Neve were looking through the jobs on the board. The troublemaking twins were taken away by their father for training. The other kids were probably playing out somewhere. They were told that Cornelia was now with her mother and grandpa.

But most importantly, Mira, Lisanna and Fleur were running the bar.

At last.

Laxus sighed in relief as he saw the silver-haired trio of barmaids entertain the guild members. Mira was even talking cheerfully to Onyx about the book that the boy was reading. Beside the boy, Luna was eating parfait.

Laxus slumped down on the chair next to Lisanna who was preparing another parfait, this time probably for Neve. Laxus was still sleepy. The bar was open until the ungodly hours of the previous night (read: 3 AM, so actually morning) because a bunch of mages were celebrating someone's birthday or something-… wait he's trying to remember. Oh. Yeah, that. Romeo. Yeah, that little shit threw a freakin' birthday bash. It was noisy as fuck.

"When did you guys arrive?" he asked, serving himself a bottle of water.

"Two or so hours ago. We slept a lot on our way back so we figured we'll go back to work this morning." Lisanna answered, then looked at him with a smile. "You're up early. That's new."

"Not new if you've been here the past few days." he said grumpily. "Had to open up shop and run the bar, that's fine. But the kids. Those little pests are gonna kill me someday."

Lisanna raised an eyebrow, then looked at Fleur, who was trying hard not to giggle. "He's had to deal with an Ig-Neve fight and Mary walkin' out on Layla and Brooke, and some others.", the teen supplied helpfully.

"That doesn't sound so hard to deal with. Those kids make up in no time." Lisanna remarked nonchalantly.

Laxus begged to differ. "Well, your darling angel apprentice teamed up with Erza's twin devil spawns and exploded the kitchen."

Fleur stiffened, but her aunt didn't notice. Lisanna shook her head. "I'm sure they didn't mean to do that… I mean, Glenn and Ethan are a handful but they won't go that far..."

"Excuse me, Master?" they all looked towards the source of the gentle voice. Peony stood on the bar, smiling politely at them. She was a quiet girl with bright hazel eyes and pixie-cut brown hair. Whenever she walked alongside Cana, who was letting the girl bunk in her house, the teen looked very much like that woman's own daughter. "Good morning, sir. Um, I've been told that this is for you."

She laid a small bag on the counter. Laxus took it and peeked inside, Lisanna and Fleur looking over by his shoulders. He raised an eyebrow. "Jewels? What's this for?"

The girl answered dutifully. "Glenn and Ethan told me earlier to give it to you, just before they left with their dad. They said it's for the... umm... they said 'damages'."

"The oven." Fleur supplied. "It must be that, right?"

Laxus looked at Fleur pointedly before turning to Peony again. "Where did they get this?"

"Um, I think Erza-san told them to pay for it with their savings and with what they got on their latest job. The one they took me with th-.. I mean, the one where I took them with me."

The all looked at her, unconvinced.

The girl sighed. "Fine, they broke their piggy bank. And then they pulled me, Onyx-kun and Luna-chan on a job and convinced us to increase their share because they have to pay out the guild's broken oven."

"And you agreed with that?" Laxus asked. It sounded unfair.

"We made them promise to exclude the three of us - me, Onyx-kun, Luna-chan - from all of their pranks for the next two months. It was the best deal we could get 'cause after that they used..." she paused for a bit, then blushed and brought a hand to her cheek. "They used those cute puppy eyes and I can't resist it, they look like little baby angels! So sweet and cute!"

Laxus just rolled his eyes in exasperation, handing the bag of jewels to Fleur. "You're gonna but that new oven. Take yours home before Ellie gets everyone in here high on sugar."

"See?" Lisanna told Laxus, patting his shoulder. "Those boys might cause trouble but they clean up after themselves. Um. Most of the time. When it really matters."

They were cut off again when Igneel leaned against the bar and beamed at them, brimming with energy. Beside him, Neve was seething. The boy was obviously not a morning person. "G'mornin', Fleur, Lisanna-san, Master Dreyar! How're we doin'?" - but before anyone could reply, he turned towards Peony with his winning smile. "Good mornin', Peony! You look wonderful today! Ah, did you cut your hair?"

The girl blinked. "No."

"Oh! Is it longer, then?"

"Um, no..."

"There's something different with you - hmmm, something on your lips?"

Lisanna stifled her laugh, while Fleur simply shook her head and walked away. She didn't want to waste time watching Igneel's failed flirting attempt.

"I don't wear makeup-"

"Ah, 'cause you don't need to! You look positively fetching today, Peony! What did you do?"

"N-Nothing, really..."

Laxus looked at Neve, who was sitting nearby, pouting at the exchange.

"Maybe you simply turn more beautiful each day! Just when I think you couldn't get prettier-"

Finally Neve spoke up. "Ig, you're embarrassing yourself."

"Am not! I'm just-" Igneel stopped short when he saw Neve's unimpressed, bordering-on-angry expression. He grabbed the parfait that Lisanna was just about to settled on the counter and then rushed to the boy's side. "Heeeeey, Neve! Buddy! Got you a parfait!"

"I ordered that." Neve pointed out, taking the parfait and nodding politely at Lisanna.

"You're soooo cute today!" the blonde said, poking his grumpy partner's cheeks.

"Please stop talking."

Meanwhile, Peony took the chance to sneak out, letting an enthusiastic bunch of younger kids drag her outside to play. When Igneel turned back to her, she was gone.

He made a very dramatic show of agony until Neve hurled a giant chunk of ice at him.

"WHAT?" Igneel whined.

"YOU'RE STUPID!"

Another throw, this one a big snowball.

But Igneel was able to dodge it, and the snowball came flying straight to one of the tables-

Time seemed to freeze at that moment.  
Then a high-pitched scream was heard from none other that young Gertie. "MY CAKE!"Neve muttered, "Shit.", which Igneel automatically scolded him for - "Language!"Somehow there was an upturned table and Brooke sending back a splash of water towards her brother, while Layla tripped over someone else and accidentally set a whole portion of the floor on fire. An ice vs. water fight between siblings ended up splashing water towards Onyx, who went furious when his book got wet, and joined in the fray. Igneel tried to stop the younger ones from fighting but somehow he got knocked out and someone sent a table flying around which almost hit Mirajane on the bar and... well, suffice to say it was the typical Fairy Tail squabble.

Laxus stared blankly. Inside his head he recited all possible varieties of_ 'Nope'_ he had ever known. "I'm not awake enough for all this. You guys run your bar again. I'm goin' back to bed."

Lisanna chuckled. "Sure thing. Looks like you deserve the rest."

"Hell, I do. Romeo's party was goin' to last until mornin' if I didn't kick them all out."

With that, Laxus trudged back up to his own quarters. He was asleep by the time he slumped down on his bed, face-first to his pillow-

Then he woke up when he heard an unfamiliar yelp from just beside him.

The man opened his eyes to see a scrawny olive-skinned boy with dirty blonde hair and sky blue eyes. He didn't look much older than eight. Also, he looked shaken and terrified.

"Who the hell-"

Before he could continue, the bathroom door opened, revealing Freed in a bathrobe. The rune mage blinked. "Oh, hey. Laxus. I thought you went to the bar."

"Wha-… You're back?"

"Just a few minutes ago. It was an overnight trip. We're kinda tired so we went through the back door, didn't want to deal with the Sunday morning rush downstairs..."

"You did the right thing. Chaos in there."

That was when loud snoring was heard, and Laxus looked towards the source: Bixlow was sleeping like a log on the couch at the other end of the room. The puppeteer didn't even bother to change into proper sleeping clothes. Or take his shoes off.

Then Laxus turned to see the unfamiliar little boy hop off the bed and dash to hide behind Freed.

"Explain that." the guild master demanded groggily.

Freed laid a reassuring hand on the boy's head. "This is Atlas, he's seven-"

Laxus' dragon senses heard the boy's scared whisper of Freed's name.

"Please tell me he's not mine."

Freed paused, then sighed. Maybe the blonde was still half-asleep. "He's not yours. Bixlow and I met him while on the job. He said he wants to be a mage but he doesn't have enough money to travel here, so… uh, we kinda took him with us."

Laxus sighed, then buried his head on his pillow and groaned. "Get it away from me."

"Don't say that..." Freed scolded half-heartedly, running a hand on the little boy's hair. "He's a good boy. He kinda reminded me of you, actually-"

"No. I'm done. I quit."

"Laxus?"

"I'm never going to have kids."

"You're 42 and you're only thinking about that now?"

"Yeah."

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I can't get pregnant."

"I don't want kids."

"Laxus, we're recruiting him, not adopting him."

"No, I know that. I just. Ugh. I don't want kids anymore."

"You wanted kids before?" Freed raised an eyebrow.

"No. I mean. Let's never adopt, please."

"Did you actually say pl-… Okay, uh, we already have our hands full babysitting other people's kids, you know, so- uh, nevermind. Not talking about this right now."

Laxus just groaned into his pillow. Somehow it sounded oddly like 'thanks'.

Freed spoke up again. "Well, this child is tired from the trip. Where do you suggest he sleep? Just let him on the bed with you, he won't bite. I'll take the floor."

Laxus looked at his companions sleepily. The kid was still scared, guessing from his death grip on Freed's robe. "Fine." he sighed heavily, standing up. "You two take the bed."

"You're taking the floor?"

"Nah." the blonde replied, then walked towards Bixlow, shoved the guy off and took the couch. Bixlow remained asleep, though, not bothered by the fact that he just fell on the floor. "Bixlow's taking the floor."

Before the other man could reply, Laxus spoke again. "That kid's your responsibility."

Freed looked at the other man, who already had his eyes closed. "Sure-"

"I won't babysit him."

"Yes-"

"I don't want to get involved if he fights with his friends-"

"Yes, I know-"

"-or if he breaks a goddamned crayon!"

"Laxus!"

"WHAT?"

"Just please go to sleep. You're scaring him."

As he watched the blonde fall asleep, Freed sighed. Who needs a kid when he's already got an overgrown one right here?

.

.

That very same afternoon, Laxus swore to the heavens that he will make Mirajane pay dearly for somehow convincing the new boy to call them Daddy Freed and Papa Laxus.

.

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** Congratulations, Papa Laxus.

Some note thingies:

\- **Peony** (17) - is gullible. Also a sucker for cute children. No wonder she gets pushed around by the little ones.  
\- **Atlas **(7) - another OC, another new recruit. I got no concrete plans for this boy just yet, except that Laxus pushed him towards Cana first but the Alberona-Clive Haven For Lost Children was full so there was no choice but to keep him in the guild proper most of the time. He's gonna be a great mage, yo.

.

If I get stuck with WAY 22, I might just write another story with the kids, this time with their actual parents. Let's give poor Laxus a break, yeah?

.

_~ Reviews are appreciated! Thank you Have a nice day You Are A Beautiful Person AND YOU ARE LOVED. Mwah~!  
_


End file.
